A man who loved his wife above all, was happy in and with his job and, together with his beloved, enjoyed life to the fullest!

What I was allowed to learn from my few but all the more illuminating conversations with this remarkable man are not only the details of his life – which astounded me by the ease with which it unfolded, and how one thing led to the other – but the pervasive sense of peace, gratitude and benevolence he exudes.

It’s like his universe is so rich and full there is no room for pettiness or suspicion, nor does he appear helpless or needy even though his situation calls for some outside help.

I was introduced to Doug by Liz who has been seeing him every week ever since his beloved wife passed away only two months ago. As their children live in the UK and he is staying in the house the couple had shared in the Dordogne for over 20 years, there are just a few people who can check on him in person.

But when I first met him, he seemed content and cheerful enough. “Taking over” Liz’s weekly visits while she is away, and after some initial apprehension – would we have enough things to talk about, would he be able to hear me well as he needs a hearing aid? – I must say it is a privilege to go see him and talk to him. Where my father, who was also hard of hearing when he grew older, got frustrated with me and the situation, Doug has the patience to let communication happen with ease. And as usual when talking to someone from a totally different background our conversations got me to question some of the core beliefs I just had adopted from my family.

You see, my father had also seen the war as a child, and when his poverty cut short his study of medicine, he became a soldier – with the explicit intention of keeping harm at bay so there would not be any further military conflicts. Today, I was astounded to learn from Doug about 3 ongoing wars during the time of his conscription – Malaysia, Korea, and Kenya – his country was engaged in which fortunately he was not forced to join, whereas as long as my Dad was alive, he never even came close to a combat situation, despite of him being a professional soldier.

Maybe it needs mentioning here that Doug and my Dad are only 3 years apart. Where Doug was totally against the military – while still choosing to see his two years of service as a chance to broaden his horizon – my Dad was for it, but as a means to an end which was peace – an equilibrium of forces that would foreclose a development like the one in the 1930ies.

Had my Dad had his way, he would have become a physician, not unlike D who became a vet, and both of them share a love for history and a benevolent attitude toward people – but here the similarities end. However, I don’t want my little text to become a comparison with my beloved Dad, but just remain an amazed testimony.

Doug was happy knowing many people and would entertain the guests at the dinner table even when he came home late from work because he had taken on a late surgery. He and his wife liked traveling and would pack their car on a Friday night to ride several hours down to the coast to spend the weekend with their good friends, only to make the trip back up on Sunday night. When a manor fell to them, they thought about how to make the best use of it so they invited bridge and arts teachers to offer free classes to whoever was interested. The guests would stay in for days while being entertained by Pam who had taken to cooking after learning it from her husband.

After his retirement they made a lifelong dream come true and moved to Montcaret which they had so far only visited for holidays. With Pam knowing French very well this seemed like a no-brainer, and they truly and thoroughly enjoyed their life. Doug, a little less well-versed in French, would still join a local bridge club where the Polish teacher would require participants to practice at home in between meetings. This way, the group got so stay at a different house each time, and, much to Doug’s amusement, they would call him ‘the professor’. Apparently, he got a knack for it.

Pam and himself would go on cruises and see all kinds of places, and later, when they had already done all the excursions, they’d have the deck to themselves and leisurely sip on their drinks.

They’d keep each other sharp by doing crossword battles every day, and not shy away from correcting each other, but never in the spirit of competition but always lovingly.

So it is no wonder I find him in good spirits, making it a pleasure to spend time with him and talk about all kinds of things.

Looking forward to more conversations, and to sharing my first Christmas lunch – on the 25th of December, with Doug!